bittersweet

I sold my car! Finally! Yet, I am feeling kind of sad. It was the first car that I TRULY owned--not leased, not paid under the ownership of my parents, but it was the only car I've ever had that was MINE. I feel like I am losing a friend and a part of my life. It also is bringing home how soon my move will be to Thailand. I only have about 2 more weeks here in Florida.........just when it was finally starting to feel like home. There are so many things I am going to miss..................

For my fellow teachers...

As mentioned, until a short (very short) while ago, I worked as an elementary school teacher in the test heavy state of Florida. I wrote this poem on a very stressful day, and now I dedicate it to my former colleagues. Are there any other teachers who can relate?

Another day, another hour
How I wish I had more power
To do my job without such woe
That as a teacher I do know.

Data, data should drive your day,
"Use the numbers, do as I say,"
Forget any learning that includes art
1st graders should know their algebra by heart!

90 minutes for reading writing and math,
And don't forget your science class!
What--the restroom calls, oh do you say?
Too bad--hold it--go another day!

And should your school not make AYP--
It's all your fault, now don't you see.
Who cares if paperwork is a highpile
Get it done, and make sure to smile!

Forget your family, dog and cat,
Who cares if you are getting fat!
On Thursday's faculty meeting day,
Another binder comes your way!

Find the time--try this stuff out--
"When, oh when, can I?" you shout!
The children don't have time to pee--
Work on work causes them woe, not glee!

As now I lay myself down to rest,
Upon the pile a top my desk,
I wonder, wonder, wonder why
Teachers all just want to cry!

"How Good do We Have to Be?"

Well I just finished reading Harold Kushner's book, How Good do We Have to Be? and I was strangely moved by his writing. This was an unusual choice for me to read--usually I nod away from those supposed "self-enlightening" books in favor of traditional chic-lit or actual literature, but I really enjoyed his writings and perspectives, and I can see how much of his observations play out in my own life.

Kushner, a Jewish rabbi, explores the Bible story of Adam and Eve and its implications for those who interpret it one way verses another. He helps the reader to see how their relationships with family, siblings, spouses, and society can be routed to his or her "learned" interpretation. I like the way that Kushner, throughout his book, reiterates the message that, "No one person is perfect," and that as a society we need to accept the "flaws" of those in our lives and reassure the person that we still love them in spite of them. I also was moved by his redefining of the terms "guilt" and "shame." According to Kushner, guilt is feeling bad about something we have knowingly done that is wrong, for instance, robbing a bank. However, he defines shame as feeling bad about yourself for not meeting up to your own or society's perception of the perfect or ideal. In other words, a person might be ashamed of oneself for robbing the bank because now they are no longer the good little boy or girl that their parents raised them to be, and now the whole world knows it.

Kushner explains the story of Adam and Eve in great depth throughout his book, and I found it extremely moving and applicable to my own life. Since finishing the book, I have found myself daily reminding myself that it is alright not to be perfect, and that I am still OK if I make mistakes. As long as I am doing what I feel is my best in my own life, I am doing the right thing. My parents, my husband, and my friends will still love me as they have been loving me my whole life in spite of things I have done, good or bad.

I never thought I would "blog" about a book--but Kushner's tale is one that I recommend for all to read to gain a more positive perspective on their own lives and their relationships with those they love. I know that reading it definitely made a difference to me.

Thoughts on life

I've been thinking over the past few days, about life, death, and the speed at which we move. Things get taken for granted. With the passing of my grandma, so much of my family's history has passed on as well--stories, memories, names, places, recipes......all things that I never thought to ask when I had a chance may never be known again. Looking at old photographs of my grandma, I wonder who the "strange" man is on the motorbike, or who took the pictures of her lying on the beach in the 1940s style bathing suit. I wonder what it was like being married at the age of 17, and I wish I thought to ask what her life was like when she was in her 20s. Sure, I knew the grandma of current, with her "permed" "blond" hair, love of wine, and loud "silence" about things that caused her displeasure, just to keep the peace. Yet, I ache to know more about my past, and I am sorry I never took the time to ask more about it.

Life moves by so quickly, and I think it is important to stop and take a moment to record "memories" for future generations. Otherwise, when I am gone, who will remember the things about me?

Back in FL again

I am back home, finally, and I have a million and one things to do to get ready for this trip to Thailand. Everyday it seems I have something to do--I guess I shouldn't complain, since my biggest worry since becoming an "unemployed world traveler" was boredom. Now all I wish is some time to just sit and RELAX and maybe read a book. I guess that time will soon come, but until then.......blah blah blah............

...so sad

..so much for taking care of me...I am stuck in horrible NJ....my Grandma passed away. I am so sad, but I do not know how to express myself and let others see how I feel. She meant so much to me, and from her I learned so many lessons about life, both implied and explicit. She led a difficult life, from living through WWII in Belgium, to being forced to marry my grandfather, to moving to the US against her will and having to live her life out in a strange land. I love my grandma with the "Brooklyn" accented English, and I am so sad that I will not have her to speak to each week. I miss her already, and am sad that she will never get to meet her future grandchildren (if I have any for her), and she will never get to see me after I move to Thailand. Christmas Eve, my favorite family time was not the same this year because she was so sick.....and it will never be the same again. I am so sad........

Unemployed world traveler (to be)...

I am officially an unemployed, former elementary school teacher. It's time to take some time for me.......... Today I enjoyed a nice run over the causeway at NOONTIME, strolled to read leisurely on the beach for a bit, wandered around downtown to do some shopping, and am readying myself for a nice, relaxing, HOT bath to soothe away the evening. I know I should be getting ready for the upcoming move, but it's important to take care of oneself first. It's about time I take care of me!